[	How I am	|	ecstatic	]
[	My Tunes	|	Ians voice ( best noise )	]

Wow things are going great getting to see n talk to Ian alot ..... :) Tomorrow I hope I'm staying at Kailas! Woop .... haha Yeah I hung out with Ian today at the mall and Jd Rachel Steven n Sarah .... So funny some guy was comming up to us and saying IM PUNK WHITE POWER LMAO the funniest thing! So awsum ..... I love how me n Ian are taking time to get to know eachother and not rushing ... Its awsum .....  Just today was good and Jd GOOD LUCK ...

Same with you Sarah!

BLAH BLAH BLAH I Hope I can see IAN TOMORROW

I think I like him mroe then I should ... We've only known eachother for a few days but still the way he makes me feel .... I really like it .... I think about him and my heart races and I get shacky but all in a good way ... He seems so amazing and certainly worth any wait ... But I shouldnt be feeling like this towards him because we havnt known eachother for that long .... But I lvoe when we talk, getting to know eachother more and more ... Just a great feeling .. It seems like he knows what I want, I lvoe how he bites my lip and my neck and pulls my hair, and just when we hug I feel better ... I wonder if he thinks of me or wonders anything ... I might never know but sometimes not knowing is better

I know I dont make things that easy
Complication is my middle name
Its nots that easy for me
Im so afraid
Can i say sorry
For everything that comes along with me
With all the disappointments
I promise there is something worth keeping
I dont deserve you for a moment
What exactly do you see in me
It must be from the inside
The surface has just deepened
Can I say Im sorry
For everything that comes along with me
With all the diappointments
I promise there is something worth keeping

Fuck Im so emo, I need to quit this, who else agrees?!

[	How I am	|	happy	]
[	My Tunes	|	Black Dahlia Murder - The blackest Incarnation	]

Well I woke up at like 2 and had 2 messages ... 1 from Joe Janae and Trevor HILARIOUS! haha Thank you you guys! 2 One from Matt G very interesting kid .......... Then uh at 4 me and Boots went to the mall to look for my Bright Eyes cd! But omg it was 16 dollars so I said forget it! And then we ran into Tj Greg Gavian and other ppls Awsum....

Then me boots n Tj just walked around then left and talked and I got a massage from TJ woop! SARAH WOULDNT GIMME ONE! Anyways... I got home and waited for Janae to pick me up, then at like 7 she got me and we went by the mall and got 20 bucks from Derek ... then we went to Best Buy and I got The Black Dahlia Murder cd and Bright Eyes cd and then we went and picked up Jd n Derek liek ncie people and invited them to hang otu with us...

So we are on the freeway and decide to go to Hillcrest ... and we dont knwo how to get there so we tried finding our way and we ended up as Jd said " WERE IN THE GHETTO " haha nice jd! So him and Derek made us put on a Circle Jerks song and play it LOUD weird boys ... Then we made it to Hillcrest and drove around ... We saw the best thing, some Big white guy with a mullet in a Escalade with spinners jsut DANCIN his heart out at a stop sign LMFAO! Greatest  thing ever ......... then Jd said to go to Soma and get in a fight with a bro cause a show was there I guess but never happened went to target instead!  we left and went to get food! So we did and we wanted to go to dary road since Jd and Derek have never been there but it was almsot 10 and Jd had to be home at 10 and yeah we dropped him off, and made plans for all of us to go drive up to Disneyland look at it then drive back haha So random

Then we dropped off Derek and me and her drove and I ended up eatting my Lip ring with my food DAMMIT! so the hole is closed up! Have to get it redone! Lame ..... well uhh then we went to go and see JJ and right as we were infront of his house my mom calls and makes me come home so that was SO LAME I WANTED TO SEE THAT SEXY BOY! GRR haha, then I got home and got a new cell phone AWSUM and then talked to JJ on my super cool phone! Haha then we got off and I talked to Matt and he was high interesting kid .... Then yeah Boots is over but on the phoen with Max so blah

All n All My birthday was kick ass got to hang otu with 3 cool people TRIPP JD N DEREK I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME! Downside! Didnt get to see JJ :-(

Note: Brett things will get better I promise!

[	How I am	|	excited	]
[	My Tunes	|	Last Page First	]

Today around 3 Sierra picked me up, and we went to the mall and walked aroudn till our movie started and we saw Jd Julio and Derek .... Then we went to our move and we saw The Village, it could have been a bit better like the ending .... Then we walked around and saw Matt George, Sean and there friend and Matt got hot haha and his friends were too ... crazy ... Then we hung otu with em for a while and Matt was interesting haha He seemed embarressed because he said he was flirting with me ... interesting kid ... Then we left and me and Sierra went bowling! AHH SO GREAT  .... SHE FELL DOWN NTHE LANE!!!!! and there was these 3 guys next to us laughing at her and we talked to em once in a hwile and me and sierra would throw 2 balls down to get more pins down to get a higher score haha and they got stuck and we were jsut idiots in bowling shoes!

I loved every minute of it! Then we wait FOREVER to get a ride back to the mall .... Then we went in the movies wo wait and some guy was wearing a shirt that said " I kill goats for satan" and we got FREAKED OUT and I saw Boots awsum! Then the 10 10 showing started we saw Napolean Dynamite ..... Awusm movie We laughed and everone there was so loud and ahh they needed to SHUT UP!! Then we left and it was 12:06 adn Sierra , her mom and Ryan all sang me happy birthday in the car! SO AWSUM! I felt so speical then I got hoem and amber layed out all these papers that spelled out HAPPY BIRTHDAY ..........

Then yeah I talked to Sarah and jsut layed aroudn for a bit now this ... all n all It was A AWSUM DAY WITH SIERRA! Oh yeah Sierra we need to join the league!

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY ( AUGEST 17th )

[	How I am	|	Unknown	]
[	My Tunes	|	Nothing.....	]

Yesteray was lame I felt so selfish, I don't know why but when I worry about myself other then others for jsut a little amount of time, I feel so selfish and I feel bad because people have it way worse then I do and I sat in my room thinking about my problems and ugh I don't know nothing really makes sense right now.... But Is is selfish to worry about what I want and need instead of thinking of others and tryingto help?

Boots spent the night, early this morning I felt better a lot better actually.. It was around 6 and we just sat outside it was so calm and peacful and it felt like you had no more worrys and jsut a great feeling .. I don't know if it is because its cold or just foggy, but its so calming and I wish that feeling could stay all day ...  then we got inside and  layed down and talked about everything, a lot of stupid things, Like the way JJ says Thats SO Gross, Geeze that boy can make me laugh

So many things to laugh at that arnt funny but you laugh at em anyways .... Its just those moments that are the best .... Then Sarah left and I watched some movie called "Margarita Happy Hour" Pretty weird movie! Reminded me of me n sarah for a second then relized our lives would never become that!

Well.. like two people have asked me about LJ... which made me remember it... remember the times I sat here crying over my keyboard about some guy who I was so infatuated with who I new I could never have. I never got him, instead I watched my infatuation deteriorate... watched him become happy.. made me happy.. watched myself fall in love, have my heart broken, and move on... Life goes so fast.. it feels like just a few moments ago I was talking about him Within this website, this pathetic little online journal I revealed my thoughts.... watched myself change.. ignored the change.. and now accept it... I just resurected my old entries and read over them.. how simple and yet complex my thoughts were. But I only saw out of my little hole. Hello my old friend. I have truly missed you

Maybe I jsut think to much .....

I forgot ...... On the way home from the movies ( I know Ill prolyl sounds emo and lame and saorry janae I know you hate that word) But we were driving and I look over and there was this boy emo kid looknig and he looked really sad and was walknig on magnolia alone witha backpack......... and I felt really bad so I asked amebr to give him a ride but she said NO! Ugh THANX SEAN! So we just waved hello and he still looked upset! ........... I couldn't help but think , Was he sad, if so why was he sad? Where was he walknig to alone at midnight? Was he scared to just be alone? Did his parents care? Did he even have parents or a home or a place to go? Is he okay now? Did he make it to where he wanted to go alright?  ....... I know I must think to much abotu all this stuff but I can't help but think of all these questions I blame perks of being a wallflower, I was never like  this until after I read that book I love that book though. It made me wanna cry but I didn't if I had a car I would've picked him up... ugh sometimes I don't know why I cae about someone so much ad worry even though I dont know em never met em or seen em in my life! Just something weird I think about and would like to know!

[	How I am	|	exhausted	]
[	My Tunes	|	Last Page First - ( dunno what the song is called)	]

Today wasnt a bad day to be honest! Well this morning was lame because I didn't get to go to JJs house ehh, Then me, boots, my sister went to this church thing. It was fun me and Sarah went straight for the food! Haha then a band came on called Last Page First, SO AWSUM the bassist was so awusm and so was everyone else! So after they were done me my sister went to buy there cd, so I bought a shirt cd picture thnig and they signed it for me haha looks awsm! Yeah I got to talk to em and they are so cool and awsum and they are from New York and hopfully they come back to SD!! Then me and amber went and picked up Brett and we all just walked around....

Then me and Brett ended up having a dance off! We are such great dancers I sware! haha Then me and him challanged amber and sarah to a compition. ... Of course me and Brett won and they lost LOSERS! Then for so long I was jsut dancing and I got in the middle of a crowd and jsut danced! I was jsut goin crazy with dancing! Haha then the bassist (Mike) from LPF came and asked why I didnt dance like that when they played haha but I promised I would next time they came ack down here! haha! Can't wait! Also the guys from the band woo SO HOT! hahaha jsut had to say that! Then we left and me and my Uncle were dancing in the car and sarah wouldnt dance so he kept hitting her LMAO!!

Well I got home and went to the movies with Brett Amber n Sean! We saw Naplian Dynamite (spelling??) Awsum movie, it had no point or anything to it jsut something random but it was funny! I lvoed his dance ..... For people who watch channel 106 who has seen him liek normal ... he is hot! haha So crazy! Well yeah today was pretty awsum but me ad Brett gotta practice our dance!

[	How I am	|	annoyed	]
[	My Tunes	|	Bright Eyes - Padriac My Prince	]

Today was lame and boring so I slept all day, I don't wanna go to High School it alreayd seems like I'm gunna have a bad year and it will suck! I don't know why though I jsut have that feeling but who knows, maybe I'm jsut being melodramatic or something or just stressted I have no clue but I don't  wanna care about it right now!

It sucks though, latly I've jsut havn't been happy or anything and it sucks because I'll seem happy but really I'm not, Like pretending, which sucks .......... I wanna go bowling ... Anyone wanna go??!!??

Haha Kaila sent this to me ..... "she's really pretty. i love the way she smiles. but she dress's like she is rebeling against something, maybe her parents. but her stare.. its like someone has tried to kill her. i bet she knows about johnny the homicidial maniac. i doubt i can talk to her, she might mock me since im wearing hollister. well she seems nice when she smiles" ....... That made me laugh!

WEll I don't think I have anything left to say right now

( I wonder if he still likes me )

[	How I am	|	blah	]
[	My Tunes	|	Blood Brothers	]

Went to the Santee Trolly Center show thing, It got lame bc I got bored and yeah my mom made me leave earily, I got to see and talk to Jessica though, she is awusm...

     Well the whole time one thing was on my mind, which was uncool, I feel ignored I don't know why though , weird stuff

ON the BRIGHT SIDE ........ I finalyl found a site where they sell Bright Eyes shrits so Im ordering a couple and some others

[	How I am	|	depressed	]
[	My Tunes	|	Bright Eyes - Lover I dont have to love	]

I thought I was happy and okay about a lot of stuff, but I know I'm not. I miss him, a lot and I want to see him! I don't know, all this stuff sucks, I started listening to Bright Eyes and I lost happiness so fast and I jsut relized everything about him wasn't okay. I still like him, and everything but, I thought me and him not talknig for a while would be okay then I did talk to him and I felt better but, it jsut doesn't seem to be enough! I don't know why! But this song just tells me all of this isn't okay! But I always have to wonder if he miss's me or if he still likes me, am I jsut over reacting, will I care about this tomorrow? I dunno! This is horrible! I think something is wrong with me besides not being happy .....

[	How I am	|	drained	]
[	My Tunes	|	Black dahlia Murder	]

ME and boots went to the Career Soilders show, OMG Jake has the hottest legs I've ever seen! Well we got there and I saw DANNY i havnt seen in forever he got skinnier, and Jd and Julio and TRacy and my cosuin Kaila. So we jsut sat outside till they came on, it was kinda boring but fun, I saw LIL Joey, wow he has changed a lot! but he is still cool.

Then Kaila had me go inside with her and grabbed me and said were going in the pit so I jsut went with her, and Jd was so ncie and punched me in the face 2 times THANX JD LOVE YA TO! haha Idk but my body hurts haha its alright though, and Kaila your braclet stabbed me in the neck! Then it was over and me joey sarah , sarahs NEW boyfriend and this guy walked around .....

I got bored so I called JJ and talked to him for a while , hopfully we get to hang out tomorrow! Yeah then sarah came and i had to call him when I got home , then we left after a little bit and then  went to in n out adn I got home and I called JJ but got his answering machine *sad face* Yeah thats pretty much it!!

Oh yeah everyone says IM HORNEY hahaha it was funny! I won't be horney when I get through with JJ hahahaha JK! hahaha

[	How I am	|	depressed	]
[	My Tunes	|	Cky - Rio Bravo	]

Uhh didnt do much lay around and watching movies one was rele lame and made no sense it was called 'keep er of souls" Yeah at like 3 I went and go new shoes ... then got home and watched degrassi its been like a wee since ive watched how shameful and my retarded throat still hurts ahh! its driving me insane! ugh!! ahhh

Hightlight of today! I got my stuff from PETA and woo the stickers are so awsum!! haha its cool and i got a cool poster to! and all this other stuff !!! but raymond and keith found the stuff with the crulty of animals so insanely cool ... how lame! oh yeah i saw cody interesting fellow